Sometimes, Instagram is a place of wonder. Other times, it’s a place of utter bullshit. I recently stumbled upon two instagram posts that allowed me to wallow in the wonder. These two posts really captured how I’ve been feeling about my nascent motherhood. The first post I saw was a mother of multiple children who wrote that before becoming a mother, she had no idea that having children was a lifelong agreement to have your heart live outside your body for the rest of your life. The second post was a mother who wrote that she would literally carry her son on her back, even if it broke all her bones in the process.
If you were to ask me how motherhood feels so far, in terms of how I feel about my daughter, the above just about sums it up. No biggy.
I’ve always been blessed and privileged to be healthy. That being said, like most humans, I like to dabble in existentialism and anxiously muse over my mortality. However, since having a child, I am hyper aware of my mortality. I suddenly want to live forever, not because I think that living life in an eternal limbo immune to ageing would be fun, but because I can’t bare the thought of not seeing my daughter live out her life. I want to maintain and develop my health (mental and physical), my fitness, my strength, my flexibility, my endurance – all of the things – so that I can be here for my daughter if, when, and how she needs me.