Jonathan Brookins’ response to my article on porn

197075_555509753436_7419059_nMy friend Jonathan took the time to write an honest response to my article on porn which I really appreciated. I think that so often it is easy to criticise or condemn without exploring all sides of an argument or issue. Let me know your thoughts.

I am going to post Jonathan’s response below, and then in the following post, I will write a piece in response to his article, also expanding on my first article.


 

“Porn – As a young American boy – it’s not hard to remember the first time I was exposed to pornography. Sadly, I was only but 6 or 7 years old. My friends and I were walking through the woods and we came a cross an old “playboy” some lonely fellow must have abandoned in the woods.

As my friends picked it up to flip through the pages I remember the shock I had when viewing the fully nude female body for the first time like it was yesterday.

I was MORTIFIED! — Previously up until that point I had only seen body hair under peoples arms. I had no clue what females were stashing in their pants (Remember – thats a 7 year olds perspective)

I remember telling my mom how upset I was that I couldn’t get the image of this bushy naked woman out of my head. – And this my friends was my fist experience with Pornography and Sexuality…

(So, as I promised… This is to be an open and candid post from the male psyche) – [So if you are at all super biased with preconceived notions that are firmly set in stone as to what you believe sexuality is to be. Then I strongly urge you to stop reading now….]

So with the disclaimer out – I strongly move forward.

Fast forward from 7 to about 13 or so and my peer group of friends begin talking about masturbation and such things. Previously from around 7 years old up until that point I had managed to shake the idea of sexuality and the image of that woman’s hairy bush from my subconscious memory.

[Important to the topic from my perspective] – from 7-13 I was being programed as a follower of the Christian faith. – I had quite an interesting religious upbringing. My biological father was a minister and actually went to a christian college in Portland Oregon to learn the magical art of preaching. My mom has always had a strong Christian belief and my step father was heavy catholic. I primarily grew up with my mother and step father so I split time between the non denominational Christian churches and Catholic churches. Sometimes we would have the option to choose which one we wanted to go to but going every Sunday WAS MANDATORY and it taught me to dislike them both just the same.

My Biological fathers church was a bit more colorful (No pun intended) But he is “African American” – but I don’t really like that term – It seems easier to say black; although, that’s a bit of a misnomer because he is really brown.

But I digress – at least at his church I got to groove to some high energy music and some dude crushin a drum kit 🙂

But the overall message was still pretty much the same concerning SEX.

*DON’T DO IT UNTIL MARRIAGE!

*KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR PANTS!

*MULTIPLE PARTNERS IS WRONG!

*PORNOGRAPHY IS DEFINITELY WRONG!!!

etc etc. The list goes on.

Back to being 13 – I was heavily programmed to this paradigm and this was my underlying world view. So when the other kids started talking “masturbation and pornography” – I naturally felt off put and for all intents and purposes like a “sinner”

But the urge was biological and regardless of the amount of fear they try to instill upon you – I had a date with my own self induced orgasm. It was bound to happen.

These are statistics compiled from renowned sex researcher Alfred Kinsey and his studies on the sexual behavior of men and women. “According to Dr. Kinsey’s 1948 and 1953 studies – based on detailed interviews with white American adults, 92 percent of men and 62 percent of women reported that they had masturbated.”

Clearly mean have a pre-disposition to seek out this climax – where as the biological urge does not seem to be as strong in women.

You may be asking yourself up to this point – What in the heck does this information have to do with pornography?

Simple –

When you can trace something back to biological urges it’s easy to see how and why behavior manifest itself – and honestly usually the culprit is mis-information and suppression or both mixed together causes very bad behavior.

Now here I was from 13-23 or so – every act of sexual behavior was followed by a weird amount of guilt that can only be described as “The good ol’ catholic guilt“

I could have suppressed it more had the internet not become my access to digital debauchery.

And the internet had begun to really find its rhythm right during my blossoming point so fantasy at my finger tips was in full swing.

So, I ask myself? What is my problem with all of this?

I guess my biggest problem would have to be the misunderstanding and misrepresentation of sexuality – I personally have never explored the realms of anything I would deem “unfitting for my eye” – I don’t deal well with unconventional images. I don’t like distortion – I guess you can say I have a tendency towards “Low Entropy” – I’ll be using this thermodynamics term to describe a lot of things in the future – It has to do with order and disorder and I like it.

I was always quite surprised as to what turned me on though. I always wondered which one of my peers thought like me or even worse – What kind of crazy sh*t could they be thinking about. – because even as you read this – you also have skeletons in your closet full of lust that you have never let out to a SINGLE SOUL! – Yes. You. Every single one of you.

Where do these thoughts come from? – And why do we suppress them so?

Well, I believe we must have a natural biological understanding as to what order and correct behavior must be – call this “low entropy” if you will.

So where does this pornography come from? Where does the thought of lust come from and the craving for sex?

– Well, for me. I saw where the Christian view of things got me concerning this subject – (Guilted and suppressed)

So, I turned to the Buddhist world view to see if they could remedy this problem pour moi.

According to honorable Gautama Siddhartha, “The Buddha views human psychology as being mostly driven by two innate impulses: desire, or attraction [craving] and repulsion or aversion [hatred]. They probably represent the pleasure-pain principle in western psychology. In Buddhism, virtually all aspects of psychology and human behaviour, are explained in these terms. Deriving from this, Buddhism asserts that its teachings are based on how man actually is – the condition he is in – and that its ideas are largely observation-driven, rather than being dogmas handed down to us. Buddha encouraged people to test his ideas out for themselves. The impulses of attraction and aversion also reflect a basic form of selfishness and that we are generally driven by a I

I think what buddha is saying is – Our thoughts are largely created from the things we observe more so then the dogmas that can be pounded into our heads. We naturally have a selfish aspect to us that drives us towards the things that we enjoy.

Which isn’t necessarily an unconquerable obstacle – it’s a matter of how we attach ourselves to the things we enjoy and what is the nature of our enjoyment.

I don’t know though: I believe I am a bit conflicted with how I feel about the idea of images of all sorts being shared at free will whenever people so choose.

I think there should be more expression of sexuality. I think this fear of sexuality has to stop. I’m not saying re-open the doors to free love and for everybody to just get busy. This is not what I am saying at all because we have already observed the consequences of this (early pregnancy, STD’s, etc.) It’s a no brainer that there is a huge amount of responsibility that comes with the act of having sex. (EXTREME AMOUNT OF RESPONSIBILITY being safe 100% of the time)

What I am saying is… Open up your mind to the idea of exploration. Let go of the pre-conceived notions and allow yourself to breath into the space that is yourself.

I relate our sexuality to a really really tight turtleneck. The tight turtle neck is our paradigm and of course we are life. – So if we continue to walk around with this fear of sexuality – fear of talking about sexuality – then there is always going to be this suppression and we will be forced to live life with a turtle neck on.. and who wants that? Do you want to live life with a turtle neck on full time? I certainly wouldn’t. – It’s just not nearly as comfortable as a regular shirt.

But I believe this only slightly addresses the reason why this stuff gets to the point of hard drives filled up with pornography and super weird under ground sex stuff – That comes from a cultural imprint rather then a true biological urge – otherwise it would occur at similar rates all over the world – Kind of like the stats for masturbation will be fairly similar for males around the world – but as to what degree it expresses and to what type of stimulus will be of a societal nature.

When this desire and craving gets out of hand Buddha would say

“it can be seen as an overactive desire sense, that has gone way beyond normal limits, and which is harmful to self. It is also important to acknowledge that we are all in some ways addicted to something, be it only money, shopping, success, promotion, food or sex. People who are addicted to something have become too solidly locked into a love of pleasure and are reaping the consequences of that lifestyle.”

Basically we all feed our pleasure centers but what we choose to feed that center with is what varies.

What Buddha describes about the mind only becomes truly brilliant the more current science comes out to support nearly EVERYTHING this guy said.

One of my favorite neuroscientist Candace Pert Author of this brilliant book – Molecules of emotion –

In my opinion made monumental strides in the advancement of the understanding of the brain, emotions, and behavior – And truly when we compare what happens at the chemical level to the things Buddha said about the mind 2000 years ago you will be pretty impressed with the synchronicity.

“Candace Pert spent her life as a scientist researching the receptors that sit on

the cells. She explains how they work in the first chapter of her

book. A receptor is a single molecule made up of strings of amino

acids, like beads on a necklace, perhaps the most complicated molecule

there is. (The 20 known amino acids make up protein and are

manufactured in the ribosomes found in every cell.) A receptor

vibrates and hums as it changes shape, waiting to pick up messages

that diffuse through the fluids surrounding the cells. A ligand is the

chemical key that fits in the receptor, in a process called binding,

“sex on a molecular level.”

I insert this only because I am just drawing comparison to urges at a biological level a cross the board. Obviously “sex” – mating/bonding is one of the main biological urges. It is the primary force of creation in this universe.

In our attempt to figure things out we have since distorted things quiet a bit “High entropy” I would call it. That can be seen as the spread out of mass amounts of sexual images, cravings, and desires ect. Deviating from the primary urge which would be in my opinion to elevate whatever energy stems from your sexuality and of course use it for love, happiness, vibrancy etc. Because it feels good right? It’s got to have those qualities to it. – It should never be dirty, filthy, guilty, unfulfilling, dissatisfying etc.

But now we are moving more into Tantra….

So lets wrap this up…. We started with Pornography and we went through Christianity, Catholicism, onto Buddhism and finishing with Candace Pert and Neuroscience ….

Where does that leave us?

What is my overall opinion on “pornography”?

I don’t believe it is “wrong” per say – for I’m for expression…

If somebody feels they need to express themselves in a sexual way – my only hope for them is they that they would find like minded individuals that would make that pursuit comfortable, safe, and pure of heart.

As for the participants who watch other peoples expression of sexuality for their own quick sense enjoyment – I don’t think it is good for the mental psyche. It has to much to do with desire and not enough to do with self control which I think is a tool to be diligently implemented while “making love”

Which brings us to an interesting split in the road…. “Sex”… and “Making Love”

I can end it with this – When you truly understand what it means to make “make love” with another individual conscious being you will never desire to watch porn again for the sake of ejaculating.

Stimulation… maybe… but this is another topic of discussion… Visual stimulation.

Even YOU JESS BOYD, are guilty of the lingering gaize upon a human frame so visually stimulating or the casual head turn to the extremely pretty girl who just walked by. What is that urge?

This is the one that is baffling me lately because it runs so much deeper then even my conscious mind can catch – I turn to quick to even catch my head – or my eyes move down to the exposed breast faster then I got a chance to even make the choice. Of course I can play it off like it never happened and the world will never know but that doesn’t mean some biological part of me is not still programed to seek out something.

We are totally programmed for sex and their are people who are exploiting it fully and their are humans who are taking the bait.

We can end this with a Ghandi Quote:

“Hate the sin and love the sinner.”

But I’ll opt for Ice Tea on this one…

“Don’t hate the playa’s, hate the game”
– I agree, “the game”/”industry”/”big business”/”exploitation” – DOWN WITH IT ALL!

Off with their heads I say :)”

By Jonathan Brookins – http://www.f-i-g.ca

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